“The days aren’t discarded or collected, they are bees that burned with sweetness or maddened the sting: the struggle continues, the journeys go and come between honey and pain. No, the net of years doesn’t unweave: there is no net.” – Pablo Neruda

safetynet

There are days when I am moving so resolutely forward that I do not have time to think about where I am going.  The experience is a bit like driving for a while and realizing you have no idea where you are, or how you got there.  The same thing happens when you are doing something you have done a thousand times, like brushing your teeth.  You wonder how long you have been standing at the bathroom sink, and suddenly you see yourself in acute focus.  In aphasia therapy, there are times when instinct takes over, and you find yourself responding, or not, and it is only afterward that you have some awareness of what happened.  It is these unguarded moments that are often the most important.  We have so many filters through which we have learned to react, so many caveats.  It is hard to remain genuine and at the same time be the therapist, unless you have become more genuine in the process.  Mistakes happen.  I have wished sometimes that I could catch the words I have said before they reach his ears.  Too late.  No safety net, indeed.  In the end, you simply have to trust yourself and keep driving along the road.  Most times, you can get there.

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About Shirley Morganstein

I am a life participation therapist for people with aphasia, exploring the relational and reflective process.
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